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December 03, 2004
Melmo's World
The Bean has discovered baby crack. It is red, furry and named Elmo, or as he might refer to it, "Melmo". Why why why, after only seeing this muppet once, did he become obsessed with it? How come "Melmo" is like, his tenth word? He doesn't even know what a doggie says or how a kitty goes and yet at the supermarket he can spot and greet Melmo on a box of cookies 25 feet away. Congratulations, marketers! You do fine work -- on a FREAKING ONE YEAR OLD. Have ye no souls?
I guess it could be worse; at least it is a Sesame Street character he is into. As a child, I was partially raised by Maria, Ernie, Oscar and the gang and I turned out relatively fine. Yet there is something disturbing about how quickly their little toddler brains latch on the His Redness. What is it that these muppets know? How do they know it?
A million years ago, I was at a writer's conference in Vermont, an idyllic, debauched and beautiful experience. One hot night, a bunch of us were sitting outside the main reading hall, a great, screened barn, listening to a man who had written a scandalous, unauthorized biography about Jim Henson. From our Adirondack chairs on the porch, we sipped whiskey out of mason jars as the writer trashed Jim Henson, calling him an abusive, religious freak who died because he refused medical treatment for something relatively minor, or at least curable.
The Henson family had somehow halted publication of the book, a draft of which the man began to read from. Mid-way through the reading, the biggest bullfrog I have ever seen emerged from nowhere, hopped through our ring of chairs, and stopped at the door of the barn to fix its glossy stare on the man. When the reading was over, the frog turned and hopped back into the night. “Dude, that guy just got the evil eye from Kermit!” one of my friends whispered incredulously. We drank a quiet toast to Jim Henson, for all his flaws and magic.
So see, there’s more going on with those muppets than we adults know.
Posted by Max at December 3, 2004 12:44 AM