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November 11, 2004
Working it, at work
The photo shoot was rather anti-climatic, Rolling Stone photographer or no Rolling Stone photographer. The lamest part was that we had to pretend to be playing with various balls that are going to be Photoshopped in later. Wacky! Corporate! Grimness!
A woman I work with and I did our photos together, since it was taking a long time and we needed to get back to our office. This other woman is petite, fashionable, and kind of bitchy in a way I find somewhat admirable. At first, the foxy photo assistants were yelling, "You're taking a jump shot! You're passing the ball to each other!" and we had to act it out with our invisible balls. I was getting pretty into it, because the Bean enjoys playing basketball and I was thinking of him. But then the petite fashionable woman, who was NOT getting into it, muttered "Oh my god, you are really cheesy", through her tight-lipped, glossy smile because somehow she had not noticed this before even though she sits right next to me. I cheerfully agreed, "I am! I'm totally cheesy!", which made me laugh and screw everything up.
Thankfully one of the foxy photo assistants rescued us and said that since we were young (!), fashionable (!!) career women, we should do something sexier. Um, like what? I pretended to hold an invisible ball to my belly and turn sideways as though I was pregnant and said "Like this?" but this was not found to be amusing. Dance music was pumped up, invisible balls were re-positioned, and next thing I knew we were attempting to be sexy, in a photo-studio-in-a-conference-room kinda way.
For some, this would have posed a real modeling challenge. But I was lucky to have a secret weapon at my disposal: dance face. My friend Michael says that I have the most stoic face he has ever seen on the dance floor. It is true; I am pretty serious about getting down. When a photographer from Rolling Stone wants attitude, it turns out that I give him dance face.
At one point, they had us turn our backs to the camera and look over our shoulders while holding invisible balls aloft. How this was going to look sexy with my big butt and the fact that I am about twelve feet taller than the other woman, I have no idea. Maybe in the way that Mothra and Mothra's fairies are sexy.
When we were done, one of the foxy photo assistants asked "So did you have fun?" and I told her that I always enjoyed having my ass photographed. Between the physical comedy, dance face, and the ass comments, I'm convinced that they will just Photoshop me out of the pictures altogether.
Posted by Max at November 11, 2004 12:47 AM