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February 23, 2006
frankenbaby
Two nights ago, my kid was wrasslin' with his dad in our guest bedroom and did a flying leap from the bed straight into the same fricking metal table that split his face open last year and again split his face open. Because I had seen this particular injury before, I was strangely in control of the situation and this time it was my husband wandering around in a daze, turning lights on and off and looking for his hat (?!) while our kid lost pints and pints of blood on the floor. Another difference between face injury one and face injury two was that this time we had a puppy trying to lick the blood off the floor and the face while the Bean screamed and bled. Bad dog!
In the past, the sight of my child's blood has made me quite woozy but I was doing real well this time UNTIL the very young doctor was stitching Bean's head up and there was blood spraying the walls and the Bean's arms had been swaddled tight to his body and he was sob-hissing "MOMMY MOMMY HELP ME HELP ME". That was a real sanity tester and they almost lost me there. The doctor was quite deferential to me through it all, saying things like "How's Mom doing?" and leading me by my elbow to spots where I wouldn't be able to see my child's gaping wound. I found this at once annoying and slightly endearing. Because sure enough! I did almost pass right the hee-haw out.
Prior to this event, we were in Seattle where when the rental car company offered a free upgrade from a Chevy Trailblazer to a Hummer, my husband said hell yes. We had visions of renting hookers and driving our whole sordid clan up to our friends' Bellingham wedding because I think they might have liked that. However, one thing people don't like in Seattle is Hummers. It was interesting to see people's reactions because it's basically like driving around in a car that says "I'm a big asshole" on the side. I would forget we were driving a Hummer and some hippy would be glaring at us from a street corner and I'd be like "?" but then I would realize oh yeah, we're in a Hummer! My husband said he got the finger twice, and one of our friends wouldn't even cross the street to say hello to us when he saw what we were pimping.
One nice thing about Hummers: kitties enjoy sleeping on them.
Posted by Max at February 23, 2006 10:32 PM
Comments
Maybe time to trade the table in??
Posted by: john at March 14, 2006 01:47 PM
My friend, you are talking my language: the language of logic. The table is now in our attic, where it shall only slice open the foreheads of ghosts and mice henceforth. As you were.
Posted by: Max at March 15, 2006 12:36 AM