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March 21, 2005

Fish Museum

Where have I been and what have I been doing? Well, a little of this, a little of that. Today both the Bean and I are home due to low-grade colds, coughs and the itchy/watery eye combination that we know and love as conjunctivitis. Fortunately, I found a near-empty bottle of the drops we had last go around with this business and eeked a couple out last night at the first signs. This morning I took the Bean to his Very Sexy Doctor and got a proper prescription for him so we don't have to resort to using evaporated and expired ether on his eyes. Mine I don't care about as much.

The Very Sexy Doctor and I are kind of in a fight. He is about my age and sexy in a way that you don't notice the first few times you see him, especially if your crotch is filled with stitches, your baby screams all the time and you are a bombed-out, shaking mess. But now that the crotch has healed, the screaming has diminished and I've sort of pulled it back together, he is a fine hunk of child-healing man.

The Bean has had some issues with foods and we've gotten him tested for a number of allergies (soy, dairy, egg) all which came back negative. In desperation, we finally eliminated wheat from his diet and sure enough, away went the rashes and the wheezing and a bunch of other stuff. When I told the doctor that the Bean wasn't eating wheat and that it seemed to be helping him, he gave me the old "You're a crazy mother who doesn't know jack about her own kid's health and well-being" look, which ordinarily would have had me dishing out a little Wrath of Mom. Instead, we find ourselves at a stalemate, where I know the Bean not eating wheat is good, the doctor won't test him, we'll continue not feeding the Bean wheat even though it is a pain in the spelty-brownricey butt, and the doctor will go on being hot. It is working for us for now.

We went to the aquarium this weekend with the Bean's five-year old Cuz and his Grandma and Grandpa. It was so insanely crowded due to monsoon-like weather conditions that it took all four of us grown-ups just to keep track of our two very short fish enthusiasts.* I was glad I had just purchased the Bean some of those light-up sneakers because it made it easier to see his monkey-ass when he took off running through the masses. Of course, me still being rather new to this whole toddler thing, I had no idea that you couldn't just buy, say, red light up-sneakers or blue. No, no. You have to get like the Bratz riding My Little Pony while at Malibu Ken's Tropical Vacation Dance Party. Seriously, I know I've said this before, but can SOMETHING that kids wear/eat/watch/carry/look at not be covered in some mass-produced marketing propaganda? We ended up getting Buzz Lightyear because at least the lights were rockets and that was better than most.

Speaking of fashion, I have a home stylist named Freddy Fabrioduccie, who is really my husband. In the past, Freddy has tended to my highlighting needs and done an adequate job. Last weekend, though, Freddy was in the middle of the process when he started muttering, "This is not going well. I'm screwing it up." Not what a lady wants to hear when her stylist is waving the bleach bottle around her head.

After I rinsed and dried my hair, I had a horrible, brass-colored donut of hair on the top of my head, which tapered off into my natural mouse-brown at the ends. I worked from home the next day to avoid embarrassing looks and comments, fired Freddy, and went to the salon the next evening. A couple of hours and a hundred bucks later, I am now a bit of a blondie. We shall see if I start having any more fun, although it is hard to imagine more fun than home highlights, fish and pinkeye, especially in that order.

* It's weird to me that almost every visit to the aquarium ends with us eating fish and chips at the nasty touristy restaurant at the end of the pier where the aquarium is. I wonder if their PR departments have ever thought about teaming up and posting signs on the tanks that say "Think I look good? Wait 'til you taste me at Rick's Salty Shack, where you can eat me and two of my friends for 9.99!" Or the restaurant could have "Nemo Taco Tuesdays", where you could pick your own Nemo out of a tank and then make a taco out of him. Kids would love it!

Posted by Max at 12:28 AM | Comments (0)

March 07, 2005

An appointment with elegance

We are thinking about getting a sedan. Specifically, this one. Chim chiminey, do I love me this sedan. Aooga ooga ooga*. This car passed us on the highway the other day and I practically jumped out of our car and onto it, pried the roof back with superhuman strength and inserted myself into the driver's seat. Too bad for the Bean there was no car seat in the back or believe me, I would have.

The husband and I are prone to making impulsive and expensive decisions, so we are trying to temper our sudden, inexplicable sedan lust with facts and logic. Such as, we don't need a sedan. We have a perfectly fine car already. It's a freaking sedan. Sedances with wolves. But here are some counter-facts: it is relatively inexpensive, as far as sedans go. It has anti-lock brakes and side-impact airbags, which our current family car does not. It gets better gas mileage than our car. It's hot. Sedance fever!

We will of course not be buying a brand new one, oh no we are not That Crazy. The conclusion drawn after a brief but serious discussion was that we will wait for the month of May, when bonuses will be bestowed and stocks will vest and new jobs may start and vacations will be taken and all sorts of other stuff. In the meantime, I must resist the urge to go test drive one because the last time we did that, well we bought ourselves a car that same day.

I wish we could be impulsive about things like "Let's buy a pack of gum!" or how about "Hey, everyone should wear false mustaches today!" I think the Bean would look very cute with a false mustache actually. Maybe we will all wear them to go test drive the sedan (cue villainous laughter here...)

* In a very lackluster attempt at defending myself, I am a bit of a sucker for design when it comes to some certain things, generally involving chrome. There's a new vintage travel store (!) that I walked past this morning on the way to work and I pressed my nose to the storefront glass like a kid drooling at candy. One of my favorite museums is the Henry Ford Museum, and I can almost guarantee that we'll have an Airstream within two years. At least I'm consistent!

Posted by Max at 12:29 AM | Comments (0)

March 03, 2005

Homeward bound

The Bean's Big Thing these days is to wake up at four a.m. and be ready to party down, which in his mind involves reading books, drinking bottles and watching Elmo. As you might imagine, none of this is very appealing to us at that time of day. So this morning, my husband went downstairs for the usual round of shushing, diaper changing, bottle administering and Elmo avoiding, but the Bean would not be silenced. After an hour and a half, we opted for the Cry It Out method, which we never do but hey, sometimes you simply run out of options. So the Bean howled in his crib for fifteen minutes or so, then abruptly stopped. I of course had to hold the baby monitor up to my ear in order to make sure I could still hear his breathing, which I could. Then, after about five minutes of silence, he started LAUGHING. Paging Dr.Creepy, we've got a patient for you!

This weekend I was on the East coast to celebrate the 80th birthday of my beloved grandmother, G. Bear. My family and I worked up a little play in her honor that involved live crabs, Emeril, and scrimshaw. With a script like that, success was inevitable.

As a parting gift, while driving me to the airport my mother announced that she didn't like visiting Seattle because it was "old, arid, and dirty". I'm like, um, what? If you are going to insult the city in which I have made my home for the last decade, at least be accurate and call it something like "mild, mountainous, and overcaffeinated yet oddly unambitious".

Posted by Max at 12:30 AM | Comments (0)